Let 'Em Go!

Let's forgive all crimes. The economy is on a downward spiral and we really can't afford to pursue any wrong doers.

Just think of how much better the economy would be if corporate malfeasance was just swept under the imported silk Persian rug. All of those corporate executives would be putting their ill-gotten gains back into the economy by purchasing the latest in gold plated shower curtains and his and hers hot air balloons.

We should push for Ford Motor Co. to reopen its closed Pinto plant so that the local economy would turn from bust to boom. Ford could reintroduce the Pinto even if it has that pesky little rear impact problem. The company can always blame the consumer when the darn thing explodes. Besides, only a fraction of those injured or surviving family members have the stamina and funds to pursue litigation, assuming the injured party can actually find one of those "greedy plaintiffs attorneys" everyone seems to be talking about.

If all was forgiven, Bridgestone/Firestone would reopen closed plants and fire up the manufacturing line on their old tires. Think of the number of unemployed that would be sent back to work.

Enron, WorldCom, and the rest of them should be allowed to continue their creative accounting principles using Arthur Andersen's "Houdini: Now You See Billions, Now You Don't" accounting program because history tells us that the stock market rocked at the height of it all. All of this government oversight stuff impedes the free market system.

Insurance companies could continue charging 300% more for policies that only cover meteor showers if and only if they happen during a full moon on a day of the week not ending in a "Y". Of course, regardless of the legitimacy of the claim, each claim should continue to be sent to CLUE, the national hit list for anyone who ever had the nerve to use the service for which they paid by filing a claim. These claims-happy, nut case policyholders and their properties should be forever labeled a bad risk. They don't deserve to darken the door steps of our red blooded off-shore insurance companies.

Who cares if an insurance company commits bad faith and/or fraud? They shouldn't have to pay a dime on claims anyway because for every dollar not paid out to the policyholder goes to pay corporate bonuses for the fat cats at the helm who will infuse more money into the economy when they purchase their fifth vacation home on Lake Tahoe. Did any of you really doubt the insurance company's willingness to pay "additional living expenses" or "ALE"?

We should begin to institute the "catch and release program" because of its overwhelming success in Afghanistan. If we issued "get out of jail for free" cards to corporate criminals and fraud committing businesses, campaign finance reform would take hold. Corporations would not have to line the pockets of those high-dollar defense lawyers who in turn siphon off large amounts to political candidates and judges.

Of course, what's good for the goose is good for the gander: individuals should also be held to a similar accountability standard. It's very expensive to prosecute those snipers, serial killers, child molesters, kidnappers, rapists, and others. Plus, do you know what it costs to keep these people in prison these days? Not only do the American people have to pay for three square meals a day for each inmate, but we also provide climate-controlled living conditions and a TV room.

The truth is, during an economic downturn, many in power (mostly Republicans) try to be more lenient on business because it is business, they think, that will pull us out of our economic slump. There are others (Democrats), who believe that the economy is powered by the consumer.

Let's assume for a moment that both arguments have merit and that the truth falls somewhere in between. For the economy's sake, we need to let all criminals off the hook be they corporations or individuals. Send Washington and your State elected officials a message: Our economy can't afford criminals. Let 'em go!

This spoof editorial was written by POA members Georgeann Barnwell and Melinda Ballard

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